"The Deacon's Corner"
My Dear Sisters & Brothers in Christ,
As I was reading the scriptures in search of a topic for this month's Deacon's Corner, I came upon this line, "If you are the King of the Jews, save yourself!" Luke 23:37. I thought about this for awhile. Why didn't Jesus defend himself? We know that self-defense is a normal reaction when we feel that we are under attack.
It is normal for people to become defensive. Sometimes we feel that others have made judgments about us, our character or our work. In defending ourselves, sometimes we are right, but other times our defensive feelings are more about our own issues that the facts.
As a dentist, nobody knows this better than me. In my line of work, judgments about me, my character and my work are made all the time. Dental school taught us that we had to be "professional." Most of us took that as "bite your tongue" and when it was safe to do so let it out. And boy did we! I think I still have a few scars from biting my tongue after doing dentistry for the last 26 years!
But over the years, I have learned a few things that I would like to share with you. Often in school, we were asked, "If you could change one thing about your experience with that patient, what would it be and why?" The reason for asking this question was that we have to first be aware of our behavior if we want to change it. I have come to find out that self-reflection takes much practice. Yet it is the only way we can control our behavior and change it when needed.
The next realization was that I am the only person responsible for my actions. You are responsible for yours! No one can make either of us act, speak or feel a certain way. People often say, "You make me feel..." But the reality is that feelings surface in response to someone's words or behavior. No person makes feelings happen.
The next thing I have learned is that if you can name or identify your feelings - I'm mad, or happy, or anxious, or depressed, or ecstatic or whatever - you will be able to know when you may be turning defensive and then you can take steps to guard against lashing out.
In dealing with defensive behavior, we have to be aware of our personal patterns. Take notice of the things that people do that put you in a defensive posture. Take notice of the people who put you in that defensive posture. Once you are aware of these things, you can begin to control your reactions to your emotions.
Also, we need to know what our normal reaction is to threatening situations. Do we jump in and fight back? Do we escalate the situation rather calm it down? Do we walk away from the confrontation after deciding it isn't worth it? Can we truly let go of an issue or does it continually sit in the back of our mind always ready to haunt us?
By examining the way we react, we can self-reflect on the choices that are available to us. Remember - the only act that is under my control is my decision on how I am to behave in a situation. Trying to make another person act a certain way dissipates my energy. So the moral of the story is to reserve your energy for yourself. Finding a way to focus one's energy can help a person make a better, less defensive decision when under pressure.
Recall that at the beginning of Jesus' ministry in Luke's gospel, the devil tempts Jesus to use his power. And what happened? Jesus was firm in his resolve and resisted the temptation. As he was dying, Jesus was again taunted - "If you are the King of the Jews - save yourself!" But Christ the King did not run from his persecutors or use his power to kill his enemies.
Instead Jesus let go. He released power over His life by suffering on the cross for our lives. Jesus faced his death with a defenseless attitude. In doing so, He gave us a glimpse into the power of God's mercy and compassion. Jesus' death let to the Resurrection and the promise of new life.
So when we are faced with a threatening situation in which we instinctively would fight back, take a breath and reflect on Christ the King's defenseless attitude. My sisters and brothers, when we are ready to let go of our own acts of defensiveness, the promise of life awaits us also.
Peace,
Deacon Rich Scotti